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July 10, 2003 Recently, I've had a wakeup call to life. I really need to grow up, think about the world around me and behave for once. I want to play the kid, who has life easy at home, who has everything (well, almost everything) sorted for him... but I know I can't. It won't last. My friends will move away, I'll move away, and will we see each other again? Or will we (or even I) be the only one stuck here in this godforesaken hell-hole? I don't like change. I want to stay this age forever, with nothing to do, just foolin' around. But I know it's not going to happen. As mucha as I wish it would, it's not. My best mates parents are, shall we say, being unfair at the least. I know exactly what he's going through as my parents were like that. Mainly about the internet, moreso my dad. Life sucks doesn't it? Years ago, I had a dream that the minute I was 18 I would get my own place and move out. That hasn't happened. I would love a place of my own. It's just, money. It does make the world go round, and it does make me happy (for the most part). I was browing an old haunt and could help but admire the shear happiness I felt back then. The absolute naivety I was in, the delusion that everything was ok and I was fine. Life sucks. We live it, struggling to make ourselves happy. Then, when we are happy we're not sure if it's a delusion or not. We work our way through education, then a job. Then, we die. I don't like it. I'd rather be dead now... save those around me from suffering too much. |
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